Welcome To The Hellmouth.

At the start of the first lockdown Britain's Channel 4 started broadcasting; "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." On it's E4 channel.

Running from 1997 to 2004 in the US this was Joss Whedon's first big TV success. Before he went on to do "Firefly" and various Movies and TV shows in the Marvel comic book universe. Including "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D."

In their wisdom Channel 4 decided to broadcast Buffy the Vampire Slayer at a rate of two episodes a night. Five nights a week. That's a huge commitment for a TV show that is nearly 25 years old and really aimed at teenagers and young adults.

So, at best, I dipped in and out. For example I caught Season 3, Episode 18; "Earshot." The Columbine Shooting episode. Or more accurately the episode where Joss Whedon protests against being blamed for the Columbine Shooting. On behalf of Marilyn Manson and many others.

I started paying more attention at the start of Season 5, which first aired in mid 2000. That's because I knew Season 6 would have been on air and in production on September 11th 2001 (11/9/01). The so-called; "9/11."

This was a day when the World and certainly the US public conciousness changed. In such a dramatic way that suddenly it seemed that nothing which had happened on September 10th (10/9/01) mattered any more.

With much TV and movie production being shutdown the World has experienced a similar shock through the pandemic. Although that change has certainly been less swift and arguably less dramatic than 9/11.

So I had a mild curiousity in seeing how a US TV show that was on air and in production on 9/11 handled the sudden and dramatic shift. To see if there were any lessons to be learned.

I was particularly interested because I've been watching; "SEAL Team." The current project of David Boreanaz. Whose career was launched by Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Season 3 of SEAL Team is full of references to David Boreanaz's character being there on the ground floor of The War On Terror.

Despite this casual interest I was still watching really only every other episode. As I sarted to pay more attention though I started to notice. 

Elements of the show that seemed rather close to my life at the time. Things like the full names of people I knew turning up as character names in the show. Particularly on gravestones.

This started me wondering. How would an absolutely massive US TV Show know to look for these details about me. Let alone find them out. Even if one of the central characters is played by the British actor Anthony Stewart Head.

I could immediately think of one possible explanation.

A long time ago, in a land not that far away. I used to belong to the Catholic Church.

On a particular Sunday in 2000 a man living across the street from my childhood Parish Church made a decision. To pick up a pair of Samauri swords. Cross the street. Strip completely nude. Then attack everyone in the Church with those Samauri swords.

His reasons for doing this were hard to understand. Given his Delusional Schziophrenia.

However he seemed to believe that a portal to hell, or; "Hellmouth" had opened beneath the Church. 

From this Hellmouth all sorts of demons and other nasties were spilling into the human realm. So he had to fight his way through the Church in to order to seal this Hellmouth.

That is almost exactly the central premise of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
 
Something which was bound to add to the annoyance of the cast & crew. Particularly as they were still trying to fight off the blame for the Columbine Shooting.

Obviously by that age even peadophilia had turned it's back on me. So my first memory of the event was being woken by the sound of a helicopter effectively landing on my house. The big red helicopter. Whose callsign is known to all.

This was back when the old coercive control was still convincing my mother that she was straight. So she and my father were both in the Church at the time. Obviously they were seperated during the attack. 

I remember my mother returning home first. Frankly breathless and incoherent. Having set a new World Record time over the distance

So I did the most British thing ever. I put the kettle on and made a pot of tea.

As my brother, mother and I sat in the kitchen drinking this tea we slowly pieced together what was going on. Reaching the conclusion that one of us was going to have to go up there. To learn my father's fate. And by; "One of Us" we meant; "Me."

Arriving at the scene I quickly spotted my father alive and uninjured. So I slipped inside the police cordon. A which point a trembling SWAT officer hoisted the business end of his HK MP5k to my nose.

Fortunately in the distance I could just see another police officer walking by. With a severed human forearm in a plastic bag.

So I threw my hands up, palms out, stigmata showing and with a big smile shouted;

"Alright Dad! Need a Hand?!"

Which defused the tension and got the rifle out of my face.

So, yes; "Less than a second."

In case anyone is still wondering. As to the size of the gap. Between a traumatic event and me making an inappropriate joke about it.

Although I gather the scientific community has recently been forced to develop the; "Zeptosecond." To provide a more accurate measurement.

Worringly that did count as one of the better days in my childhood. So I think I'd pretty much forgotten about it by the Wednesday. After bowling into school on the Monday. Like Leonardo DiCaprio in; "The Wolf of Wall Street."

There weren't even any fatalities. However some sort of survivors group was formed. 

It was through the police's liasing with the group that a peadophile was uncovered. This being a Catholic Church after all. Insultingly apparently I just wasn't his type. Despite being such a handsome choirboy.

Eventually there was some sort of public service to mark the event. At which the guests of honour were the UK Labour Party MP Dianne Abbott and Ros, Baroness Howells. Of the Stephen Lawerence trough.

Both of whom seemed very out of place. The congeregation of this Catholic Church was almost exclusively white Irish/Eastern European. With only a handful of Africans.

The black community Abbott and Howells pride themselves on representing tend to be Protestant. So it wasn't a racial thing. There weren't many Jews or Hindus in the congregation either.

I, of course, didn't attend this service. Stuck home babysitting Dianne Abbott's son. 

But don't worry. We gave him the boot. Long before he could even think about claiming any sort of squatters rights.

Which rather begs the question of how the UK Labour Party continues to still be so confused. As to the nature of the relationship.

Now when this sort of thing happens to other people. I've developed a bit of a reputation. For running through it to see if there is any political dimension. Then, if there is, exploring it further.

Unfortunately September 11th (11/9/01) was very much My First Day. 

It was by about September 14th (14/9/01) that I'd outsripped my peers and superiors. Coming up with the correct answer of how to respond. The one that doesn't involve this David Boreanaz character still having a career.

In case anyone was still wondering what all the fuss is about.

So I can't talk about an event prior to 9/11, even one I was directly involved in. With the same authority I can talk about contemporary events. However I'm willing to give it a go.

I should start by pointing out the sole, real motivation for this man's actions is that he was severely ill at the time. He did genuinely believe that he was acting to protect humanity from an open Hellmouth.

To give you an idea of how psychotic he was. Are you familar with Church Pews?

The big, heavy wooden benches. Which you may have seen on TV and in movies.

The way I've heard the story. It took several of those benches, being used as battering rams. Along with a fair few pipes from the organ. To finally put him down. It then took about 20 people sitting on one of those benches to keep him down. Until the police arrived.

It was one of those ones where there wasn't even a trial. 

Rather than attempt to debate with him in Court as to whether it was an open Hellmouth or not he was confined to Britain's most secure psychiatric hospital, Broadmoor. For intensive treatment. Involving Tornado Teams and massive amounts of anti-psychotic drugs.

After about two years he was released. With a Skripal-like new, secret indentity.

Given how ill he was I actually hesitate to use the term; "attack." Preferring instead; "incident."

However he was brown skinned and of nominally Muslim heritage. The reason why we know these details is actually an interesting talking point about how the mind responds to shock and trauma.

Amongst the congregation that they was an older, religiously conservative Irish woman. She had clearly only ever had sex with her husband. And we're not sure she'd ever even seen him in the nude.

This woman was aboslutely appalled that a brown skinned man had been able to expose his cirumcised penis within a Church. Which really wasn't anyone else main problem with the scene. It was though the only bit her shocked mind could attempt to process.

As I've said this occured the year before the 9/11 attacks. Which did involve a few brown skinned people of nominally Muslim heritage.

My father, mother and other survivours were actually added to the Roll of Honour of London's 2001 New Year's Day Parade. Part of the global competition of New Year celebrations. An honour which apparently earns you a worthless bit of tin. Not one each obviously. One per household.

It also occured the year after the US and the UK led a wholly illegal NATO invasion of Serbia's Kosovo Province. The start of the US and the UK's efforts to convince the World of this myth of Serbia's southern province being some sort of nation state.

There is one detail about the Kosovo Liberation Army (KLA) that people in NATO nations are not allowed to speak of. That they are hyper-aggressive Islamists. Founded alongside Al Qaeda in the sort of Mujahideen stew left in Afghanistan following the Soviet Union's withdrawal.

So I suppose this Church incident could have served as a British warning to the US and beyond. About the growing threat of Islamist violence. Given the location Kosovo and the Balkans, rather than the US, would be the main area of concern.

I now think it might actually also have been a British attack on the TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I've started watching it from the very start. On Channel 4's online streaming service "All4." The similarities with my life at the time certainly did not begin in 2000.

Obviously this is a show in the Sci-Fi/Fantasy genre. So we're talking about metaphors, allegories and hidden meanings. Rather than explicit statements of fact. I certainly don't recall ever encountering a real-life vampire.

They also seem to be metaphors, allegories and hidden meanings which have been based on rumour. Some of which are very wide of the mark.

Take for example Anthony Stewart Head's British Watcher character; "Rupert Giles." For the most part he represents the British foreign intelligence service, MI6. The watchers.

Except for in Season 2. Where he gets involved in a relationship with a fellow teacher. Robia LaMorte's "Jenny Calender" character. In that context they both seem similar to my father and mother. The mother with the Irish heritage and an affinity for horses.

In certain episodes, storylines and scenes the Buffy character does remind me, somewhat, of my sister. Although there are many other episodes, storylines and scenes where she does not. At all. As I progress through the show the references seem to be getting less and less.

It is in the fifth episode ever shown that the Slayer's nemisis is introduced. An annoying little boy know as; "The Anointed One."

Fortunately that character is quickly replaced in Season 2. By the "Spike"/"Drusila" combination of characters. Played by James Masters and Juliet Landau respectively. In a style that is very reminiscent of Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen of Sex Pistols fame.

I should probably mention. That I once attended an, essentially, community college that was once attended by Malcolm McClaren. The manager of the Sex Pistols. Which would certainly interest a certain crowd.

Which brings me on to the; "Daniel, Oz, Osborne" character played by Seth Green. I've yet to see his full story play out. 

However he, for the most part seems to be a reference to Bryan, Dexter, Holland. The lead singer of the punk band; "The Offspring." Promoting new and fringe bands is a big part of the show.

Although checking the dates. It's possible that Dexter Holland changed his look to resemble Oz. 

The Offspring were a band that had been doing their own thing for about 10-15 years. Before suddenly becoming famous with that one album and one song you all know.

Oz's defining characteristic is his; "Stoic Calm." Even the most shocking news barely elicits a shrug.

In Firefly Whedon explored the philosophy of; "Existentialism." If this complex philosophy can be reduced to a single, short phrase it's; "Life has no meaning. Other than the meaning people assign to it."

"Stoicism" is sort of the parent philosphy of Existentialism. It could be reduced to; "Life has no meaning. Other than the virtue people can draw from it."

An important element of Stoicism is; "Stoic Physics." 

Essentially the notion that God is the Universe, the Universe is God and everything in the Universe is also God. A concept that is similar to the; "Tree of Life" concept within Judaism. Or the; "Wu Xing" concept within Asian, Animist religions.

Oz is introduced to be the boyfriend of the Willow Rosenberg character. Acting as her partner in her journey into the study of witchcraft.

The type of witchcraft used by Willow is, I think, never really explained. However it's made clear that it's based in; "The Physics." Although that doesn't sound like the sort of physics I studied at High School.

Seth Green is probably now most famous for voicing; "Chris Griffin" in "Family Guy." A show I'm going to struggle to watch in the same way again.

How each character's meaning can shift is well demonstrated by Season 2, Episode 16; "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered. 

Here I was portrayed by the "Alexander, Xander Harris" character. Played by Nicholas Brendon. A shift underlined by the transference of Drusilla's affections from Spike to Xander.

As with Whedon's other work the show also makes lots of reference to contempary events. Such as the Columbine Shooting. Along with lots of gossip about other TV shows and movies inside the Hollywood bubble.

Which makes it particularly difficult to track. Some 20 years later.

Take for example David Boreanaz's character; "Angel." He is a vampire who, through convoluted Sci-Fi/Fantasy reasons has had his soul restored. Making him a good vampire whom the Buffy character falls in love with.

Then, for equally convoluted Sci-Fi/Fantasy reasons he loses his soul again. Becoming; "Evil Angel."

Evil Angel is very much a reference to the type of university frat boy. Who uses drugs such as Cocaine to seduce/sexually assault underage High School girls. Something which continues to be a relevent social issue to this day.

While I've yet to see it fully play out the love story between Good Angel and Buffy seems all about the trials and tribulations of young love. Possibly the most important issue to the show's target audience. 

Season 2, Episode 4; "Inca Mummy Girl" features a long dead Incan Princess being brought back to life. She seems to be a gossipy reference to Catherine Zeta-Jones. In her role in the troubled production of the movie; "The Mask of Zorro." Which was finally released that same year.

Not all of this Hollywood gossip is light and happy though.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer was the first big TV role for Eliza Dushku. Who is of Albanian descent. 

As a 12 year old child she appeared as the "Dana Tasker" character. In the 1994 movie; "True Lies."

In 2018, at the height of the "#MeToo Movement" Eliza Dushku shared a story. About being sexually assaulted/harassed by a member of the stunt crew on True Lies.

That is certainly hinted through her character Faith. The somewhat over-sexualised teenager who keeps getting those good little tickles down below.

Particularly in Season 3, Episode 7; "Revelations." In which there is much discussion over whether she needs a matronly, female chaperone. To Watch 'er on this production set.

It's the Hollywood gossip though that brings me on to a small, recurring character. Who has caught a lot of attention due to her sharing the same given name of one third of; "The World Famous Thrupple."

I'm not sure why I'm still concerned about protecting the anonymity of people I'm describing as; "World Famous." For example we know from the Johnny Cash song that one third was named; "Sam."

I'm actually a named character in Whedon's later work; "Firefly." Which is how I came to utterly ruin Summer Glau's life.

The remaining third bears the name; "Amy." Just like the "Amy Madison" character played by Elizabeth Anne Allen.

Amy Madison is a really small character in the show. Of the roughly three of seasons I've watched fully I've only seen three episodes in which she actually appears. As something more than a face in the crowd. So I'm not yet sure I have a full understanding of the character.

Aside from the name though there is nothing that reminds me of the Amy I knew. Although elements of the character's first appearance do seem to ring a few bells. In a very generic, angsty sort of way.

I think she's primarily a reference to Joey Lauren Adams. A long time collaborator of cult movie director Kevin Smith. Including in 1995's; "Mallrats."

At the time these episodes were aired Joey Lauren Adams and Kevin Smith were working on the movie; "Chasing Amy." In which she had the title role.

I don't remember the gossip in full. 

However during the production of Mallrats she started a relationship with either the director or another male member of the cast. To keep costs down during the production of Chasing Amy another male cast member was living with the couple at the time.

During that movie's production the couple's relationship broke down. Rather spectacularly by all accounts.

Leading to an incredibly awkward director's commentary on the DVD release. Which notably did not include Joey Lauren Adams.

The Amy Madison character is a witch. With a speciality in turning people into rats. Whether they go to the mall or not.

Many years later the Amy I knew was gifted a pet rat by a 'friend.' Something which makes a lot more sense to me now.

It seems impossible to talk about the various lesbian and bisexual women I've known. Without mentioning the "Willow Rosenberg" character played by Alyson Hannigan.

Over the seven seasons of the show the Willow character first has a relationship with the Oz character. Then discovers that she is gay. Having not one but two lesbian relationships. Something of a first for a major US network show broadcast at the start of the 21st century.

I think the Willow character is primarily an effort to put a realistic gay character in a central role in a major US network show.

Willow doesn't discover that she's gay until, I think, Season 4. However even in Season 1 she's frequently shown wearing a backpack. With gay pride rainbow straps. 

Which, to me, hints at a struggle between the production and the network. Over the direction of the character's development.

Willow certainly wears a lot of purple, to compliment the black. As she's dating all those boys in Season 3.

It is only yesterday that I saw Season 3, Episode 11; "Gingerbread" for the first time. The sees the town gripped by a moral panic against witchcraft. In which Willow's dabbling in witchcraft features heavily.

This seems to reflect the argument going on between the production and the network. 

With the network, already under pressure from Christian Evangelicals over the references to magic and witchcraft. Refusing to let the production also do a gay storyline. Which would certainly put pressure on the young actress.

The other controversy surrounding the Willow character is that she is Jewish. While Alyson Hannigan is not. Something which these days could be considered culturally insensitive casting.

However Sarah Michelle Gellar who plays "Buffy Summers" is of nominally Jewish heritage. Or at least has a family name which suggests she is.

The vampire myths explored in the show are all in the Christian tradition. They are injured by Christian Crosses and Holy Water. Forcing a nice Jewish girl to wear a Christian Cross for protection also seems slightly insenstive.

So I think using a non-Jewish actor to play her Jewish best friend is intended to temper the insensitivity slightly. A way to bring in and show respect for the Jewish faith.

There's actually an episode where the Willow character is forced to put up Christian Crosses within her Jewish home. The awkwardness is definitely mentioned.

Season 3, Episode 1; "Anne" actually explores elements of the Jewish faith.

It involves a young woman being inducted into a strange quasi-religious cult. Through a ritual known as a; "Cleansing" - immersion in a ceremonial bath. Which is almost explicitly named as a; "Mikvah" - a ceremonial bath used within Judaism.

Obviously Buffy interrupts the cleansing ritual. Causing both characters to fall through the ceremonial bath. Into another dimension.

A dimension where time moves much faster that it does in America. Rather like how it's currently the year 2020 in America. But the year 5781 in Israel.

In this dimension humans are forced to work as slaves. Very much in the style of Verdi's "Chorus of the Hebrew Slaves" from; "Nabucco." Particularly when it's mistaken for "Anvil Chorus" from Verdi's; "Il Trovatore." As it often is.

The conditions in the dimension causes the characters to question whether it is hell.

Broadly speaking Jews believe that God is the Universe, the Universe is God and everything in the Universe is also God. So have no concept of Heaven and Hell. Nor a concept of the afterlife.

Meaning they are much more focused on the experience of life. You could describe the Jewish concept of Heaven being a long life surrounded by loved ones. While the Jewish concept of Hell is a painful life lived without hope.

A concept the characters explore in the episode.

Willow's Jewishness becomes very controversial in Season 6. The 9/11 season.

Obviously the show doesn't deal directly with the traumatic event that was gripping America and the World. Instead it uses a traumatic event of its own. The murder of Willow's girlfriend Tara.

By then Willow is a highly accomplished good witch. The death of Tara turns Willow into a force of pure evil, one born of grief.

In this context Evil Willow is very much the Israeli Mossad to Giles' MI6. While Buffy is America's CIA. In scenes which seem to be my future being decided.

There the show does rather slip into the anti-Semitic conspiracy theories of 9/11 being an inside job. 

However it strikes me as a panicked production struggling to work with what they've got. After the plan they had suddenly went in the bin.

They certainly didn't invent the conspiracy theory. Which, at that point, was already part of the discussions surrounding 9/11.

This proved so controversial that the TV Show "NCIS" actually picked up the Evil Willow character. Expanding her in the Mossad officer "Ziva David" character. Cote de Pablo being possibly the only NCIS cast member who hadn't previously appeared in; "From The Earth To The Moon."

So controversial was the Evil Willow character in fact that it forced the production of a seventh and final season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. One that was firmly under the control of the US intelligence services. The Patriot Act season.

That the Willow character is a gay, redheaded Jewish woman. It makes it hard not to at least mention, possibly, the World's most famous redheaded Jewish woman.

The actress Jane Levy. 

Now I don't know if Jane Levy knows that she is Jewish. However she definitely is. Every year Tel Aviv hold a parade in her honour.

If that isn't misfortune enough. Jane Levy also shares so many similarities with so many women I've known. So many in fact I think I once described her as; "The Trifecta."

As with the Amy Madison character though. It must be said that I'm not seeing anything in the Willow character that reminds me of women I've known. Unless we're now counting Jane Levy as someone I actually know.

Although the "Kennedy" character. Willow's girlfriend in the seventh, Patriot Act season. She does definitely remind me of someone. A someone who might not be a big fan of Johnny Cash.

All the other similarities in the show of course does make rather hard not to ask;

Has the old coercive control just watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Then tried to use it as a blueprint for my life. Introducing characters they think fit?

Take for example Season 2, Episode 20; "Go Fish." This centres around a manevolant force which is killing members of the High School's swim team.

Up until about the age of about 13 I was actually something of a promising swimmer. Until I developed an allergy to Chlorine. Meaning that whenever I went in a swimming pool my sinuses would swell up terribly. Making it impossible to breath through my nose and forcing me to quit.

Early in the episode Buffy punches one of the members of the swim team in the nose. Causing it to swell up terribly. The team coach is particularly concerned about how the swimmer's sinuses are going to be affected.

It is in this episode that the Willow Rosenberg character's Jewishness is more prominant that usual. For example she wears a Star of David necklace. She is also referred to as; "Miss Rosenberg" rather than simply Willow.

Another large element of the story is a toxic gas. Being pumped into a building disguised as a shower block. A rather near-the-knuckle reference to the Nazi Holocaust. Which perhaps would have been appreciated by some Israeli Jews. If not American Jews.

It was about 26 months after this episode was aired in the US. That I met that runaway Israeli bisexual Jewish woman. At the, essentially, community college that was once attended by Malcolm McClaren.

Of course if the old coercive control has been using Buffy the Vampire Slayer as a blueprint for my life. Then that is certainly something they wouldn't want to admit to.

It would only show that they've completely misunderstood the piece. 

Or perhaps interpreted it in exactly the way you would expect.

If you were trying to trick a bunch of basement dwelling virgins. Into erecting barriers to success.

In order to keep your little European poodle obedient and subservient.

18:10 on 27/12/20 (UK date).

Edited at around 16:40 on 28/12/20 (UK date). To tidy & polish.