On Wednesday (27/11/13) evening Rihanna returned to a New York City hotel on the pretence of helping to support her brother's career as a DJ. However if I was to politicise this for a western audience I would say that it looked a lot like a glamorous version of a female victim of domestic violence being sent to local council run emergency Bed & Breakfast (B&B) accommodation. However if I were to say that experience tells me Rihanna would only use it to reaffirm her life choices by convincing herself that rather then f*cking up her life she is instead making a bold protest in support of the less fortunate.
Anyway just as I was waking up on Thursday (28/11/13), switching off one Blackberry, transferring the SIM card to another Blackberry and waiting for the Blackberry to boot up Rihanna took to Twitter/Instagram to confirm that not only is she in a New York even the hotel staff think she really needs to sort her life out. I of course responded in the most obscure way I could manage at the time.
Shortly after that the New York Police Department (NYPD) had to make the final decision over whether the nationally famous Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade could go ahead. Basically over the last week to ten days a winter storm has been making its way across the east coast of the US creating the possibility that wind speeds in New York could exceed the maximum safe limit for flying the balloons that the Macy's Day Parade is famous for. Although this storm had been weakening significantly over recent day someone from the NYPD still had to make the decision that the wind was within safe limits and give the balloons permission to fly. I like to think that the wind suddenly dropped off at the last minute in order to mock the notion that it is controlled by Rihanna by giving her permission to fly on to somewhere else.
That is of course the same NYPD who had to deal with Chris Brown getting beaten up by Drake. However I believe there is at least one rape investigation they bungled. I decided to highlight this point by Tweeting Chris Brown a picture of a stick man that was supposed to indicate the anatomical diagrams that are used in police investigations and trials to highlight where a victim has been injured. After all with my fingers still sore from the COP19/CMP9 post that was so much easier then simply typing all this up(!)
In between the start of the Macy's Day Parade and my COP19/CMP9 post the Twitter account of the British Monarchy posted an open invitation to visit the state apartments at Buckingham Palace that had been decorated especially for Christmas. This appeared to me to be the British Monarchy saying that it would quite literally roll out the red carpet for Rihanna to come and visit me especially if they were able to bug the room. I'm not sure if the British Monarchy realise that actually makes it far less likely that Rihanna will visit or whether we're just dealing with their usual level of stupidity.
Anyway long before that happened Justin Bieber decided to recreate the scandal he caused by spraying graffiti in Brazil by spraying some Chris Brown style graffiti on a wall in Australia. This was obviously intended to convince the South Americans (Brazil and Argentina are really the key markets) that Bieber was being used to have a very exciting discussion between the US and Australia about Rihanna. The idea being that the South Americans would be so intrigued by all this they would beg for Rihanna's Diamonds World Tour to be extended to they can have a good look at her.
Australia's response to this was nothing short of amazing. Firstly it fell to the local Mayor of the Gold Coast Tom Tait to respond. Local government such as Mayors was a big element of the COP19/CMP9 and apparently has also been something of an issue in Toronto in the fellow UK Commonwealth nation of Canada. Tait began by pointing out that Bieber was setting a bad example to local children all of whom would be sentenced to community service if they were caught doing the same thing. He then went on to announce that he was sending cleaning equipment to Bieber's hotel so he could remove the graffiti. Tait went on to list all the things he would put in that cleaning kit. For example there would be goggles to protect Bieber's beautiful eyes and gloves to prevent him from injuring his soft and delicate hands. So basically the extent of the bilateral was Australia telling the US to "F*ck off and grow up" whilst having a bit of a giggle their expense.
In the meantime the hotel has claimed that it owned the wall and had given Bieber permission to spray graffiti so I can't help but think Bieber is going to be mailed a revised bill after his stay. Ideally from the Sydney harbour hotel that Rihanna was forced to stay (twice).
15:55 on 29/11/13 (UK date).
Friday, 29 November 2013
I Will Go to the Gym.
And I will also clean the bathroom, cook dinner and have a relaxing evening in front of the TV. If I get time I will also try and add detail the US' SpaceX tantrum. Basically during the COP19/CMP9 the US scheduled a launch of it's new public/private partnership Space X rocket. This was obviously an attempt to inflame the COP19/CMP9 by the US claiming that it does enough to combat climate change by funding all the satellites. After now two failed launches and the US attacking one of it's own military bases in Japan with bottle rockets this has sort of turned into the US screaming at the entire Asia-Pacific region; "We should have won! WE SHOULD HAVE WON!!!!!!"
Before I do that though I feel I have to point out that whilst I was trying to put together all the REDD+ stuff I chanced upon a promoted Tweet from the Terrence Higgans Trust offering a free postal HIV test. I obviously clicked on it to find out what the hell a postal HIV test is. Turns out it's just your standard 4th generation 20 minute HIV test. However after performing the test at home you then have to post it off so someone can read the result for you and then post you back a letter containing the result.
In fact I strongly suspect that the Terrence Higgans Trust only paid for the promoted Tweet and indeed the scheme in order to protest UK legislation that prevents someone receiving a HIV test result without medical supervision. After all posting the test off to a medical professional who reads the result before communicating the result to the test subject certainly gets around the legislation but also makes the legislation look a bit silly in the process.
13:00 on 29/11/13.
Before I do that though I feel I have to point out that whilst I was trying to put together all the REDD+ stuff I chanced upon a promoted Tweet from the Terrence Higgans Trust offering a free postal HIV test. I obviously clicked on it to find out what the hell a postal HIV test is. Turns out it's just your standard 4th generation 20 minute HIV test. However after performing the test at home you then have to post it off so someone can read the result for you and then post you back a letter containing the result.
In fact I strongly suspect that the Terrence Higgans Trust only paid for the promoted Tweet and indeed the scheme in order to protest UK legislation that prevents someone receiving a HIV test result without medical supervision. After all posting the test off to a medical professional who reads the result before communicating the result to the test subject certainly gets around the legislation but also makes the legislation look a bit silly in the process.
13:00 on 29/11/13.
The Things That Keep Me Up at Night.
Subtitled; CAR 101.
Basically there is this central African region that is rich in natural assets such as diamonds. So a little while ago a group of Seleka (literally "rebel") formed an Alliance (I kid you not) to sweep across the Central African Republic (CAR) to install Michel Djotodia as the coup prone nations latest President. Turns out this was a bit of a mistake because Djotobia's government quickly ran out of money so Seleka were dispatched to loot and steal anything they could lay their hands on to fill the government coffers.
This state run looting quickly developed into just general looting, raping and killing. In response people began to organise through friends and relatives to set up loose neighbourhood defence groups. So far this has managed to keep the carnage within the regional averages of bloodshed. The worry though is that an event such as that which recently occurred in the Dominican Republic could occur in the CAR.
Basically what happened in the Dominican Republic was that a woman was beaten and killed in her home during a botched robbery. The local crowds decided that the murder was committed by Haitian immigrants causing a wave of anti-Haitian protests. The Dominican government responded by stripping roughly 200,000 Haitians of their Dominican citizenship in what very closely resembles an attempt at ethnic cleansing.
If a similar flash point were to occur in the CAR the worry is that these neighbourhood defence groups would quickly turn on each other creating a situation that is exactly like the 1994 Rwandan genocide. Officially it was the prospect of a repeat of the Rwandan genocide that prompted the world to intervene in Libya.
Needless to say the situation in the CAR is now being picked up on the fringes of the United Nations Security Council (UNSC). Nations such as the US seem to be in favour of increasing the funding of the African force that has been in the nation throughout all of this including 13 South African troops who were killed when Djotobia was swept to power. However a lot of other people have suggested deploying a UN peacekeeping force of around 9000 and France has already deployed 1000 troops.
As the French troops are in the nation with the nominal permission of the CAR government there is strictly speaking no need for a UN mandate however it seems likely that the UNSC is going to have to vote soon on a Chapter 7 resolution authorising the use of military force. On one hand local African troops would certainly benefit from the leadership and oversight of a UN mission in what is largely going to be a policing operation to keep the lid on things. On the other hand though the main problem is going to be separating the CAR's government from the people who are going to need to be on the receiving end of some hardcore violence.
11:10 on 29/11/13 (UK date).
Basically there is this central African region that is rich in natural assets such as diamonds. So a little while ago a group of Seleka (literally "rebel") formed an Alliance (I kid you not) to sweep across the Central African Republic (CAR) to install Michel Djotodia as the coup prone nations latest President. Turns out this was a bit of a mistake because Djotobia's government quickly ran out of money so Seleka were dispatched to loot and steal anything they could lay their hands on to fill the government coffers.
This state run looting quickly developed into just general looting, raping and killing. In response people began to organise through friends and relatives to set up loose neighbourhood defence groups. So far this has managed to keep the carnage within the regional averages of bloodshed. The worry though is that an event such as that which recently occurred in the Dominican Republic could occur in the CAR.
Basically what happened in the Dominican Republic was that a woman was beaten and killed in her home during a botched robbery. The local crowds decided that the murder was committed by Haitian immigrants causing a wave of anti-Haitian protests. The Dominican government responded by stripping roughly 200,000 Haitians of their Dominican citizenship in what very closely resembles an attempt at ethnic cleansing.
If a similar flash point were to occur in the CAR the worry is that these neighbourhood defence groups would quickly turn on each other creating a situation that is exactly like the 1994 Rwandan genocide. Officially it was the prospect of a repeat of the Rwandan genocide that prompted the world to intervene in Libya.
Needless to say the situation in the CAR is now being picked up on the fringes of the United Nations Security Council (UNSC). Nations such as the US seem to be in favour of increasing the funding of the African force that has been in the nation throughout all of this including 13 South African troops who were killed when Djotobia was swept to power. However a lot of other people have suggested deploying a UN peacekeeping force of around 9000 and France has already deployed 1000 troops.
As the French troops are in the nation with the nominal permission of the CAR government there is strictly speaking no need for a UN mandate however it seems likely that the UNSC is going to have to vote soon on a Chapter 7 resolution authorising the use of military force. On one hand local African troops would certainly benefit from the leadership and oversight of a UN mission in what is largely going to be a policing operation to keep the lid on things. On the other hand though the main problem is going to be separating the CAR's government from the people who are going to need to be on the receiving end of some hardcore violence.
11:10 on 29/11/13 (UK date).
Thursday, 28 November 2013
COP19/CMP9: A Review.
Ever since Svante Arrhenius quantified the way in which greenhouse gases (ghg's) trap heat back in 1896 scientists have speculated that increasing the amount of ghg's in the earth's atmosphere could cause global temperatures to rise. Following the start of the space race in the 1950's which saw us put increasing numbers of satellites into orbit to measure things like the volume of ghg's in the atmosphere and global temperature the volume of evidence to support this theory has only increased.
So much so that in 1995 the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change (UNFCCC) held it's first Conference of Parties (COP) Summit in Copenhagen, Denmark. Unfortunately many developing nations saw this as an opportunity to try and con large amounts of money out of developed nations while developed nations saw it as an opportunity to give developing nations small amounts of money in return for trapping the developing nations into complex negotiations they didn't really understand.
While the politicians had their fun though the levels of ghg gases continued to increase and the earth's temperature continued so rise bringing us to a point where UNFCCC negotiations couldn't really continue without the developed nations actually doing something. So in 2012 the developed nations insisted that the 18th COP (COP18/CMP8) should be held in Doha, Qatar - a nation whose entire existence is dependent on other nations continuing to release ghg gases by burning the fossil fuels that Qatar produces. The hope being that this Summit would go so badly that no-one would turn up for the 2013 Summit and the whole issue could be quietly forgotten about.
Fortunately though the process just about survived and the 2013 COP Summit (COP19/CMP9) took place between November 11th (11/11/13) and November 23rd (23/11/13) in Warsaw, Poland. Unfortunately though rather then making any major leaps forward in the battle against climate change the COP19/CMP9 was all about steadying the ship after the storm, checking for damage and trying to agree in which direction to sail next.
This task was not made any easier by the fact that many seemed intent for the maelstrom to continue. Lead amongst these was the US who - as I've explained at great length - sent the popstar Rihanna on a 9 month world tour with the intention of getting everybody so confused, frustrated and angry that they would have spent the summit arguing about whether it is ghg gases or Rihanna's mood swings that are the main driving force behind climate change. Then there was the UK who put me on trial over allegations of criminal damage on the second of the COP19/CMP9. After the case was dismissed through a lack of evidence the UK proceeded to attempt to further disrupt the summit by wildly speculating which criminal conspiracy was responsible for bringing me to trial. Then of course the Gulf and European Monarchies were continuing to try and bash Russia and Iran over Syria's continuing attempts to repel the Saudi and Qatari invasion of their county.
Under those circumstances you wouldn't imagine that anybody would be able to get anything done but still the COP19/CMP9 set about it's task of adding flesh to the bones of the Durban Platform for Enhanced Action (ADP) which was established at the COP17/CMP7 Summit in Durban, South Africa to provide a replacement for the Kyoto Protocol. Prior to the start of the COP19/CMP9 six main areas were identified as needing progress in order to allow the ADP to take shape;
Mitigation; This covers all the ways in which nations can reduce their ghg emissions through for example capping the emissions from power stations or designing new cities so they use less energy to begin with.
Adaptation; This covers all the ways that nations can adapt to the increased environmental hazards such as desertification, flooding and typhoons/hurricanes that increased global temperatures bring.
Finance, Technology and Capacity Building; This covers finding technological solutions to both mitigation and adaptation problems and finding a way to meet the cost of implementing those new technologies.
Economic Instruments; This covers all the economic mechanisms such as simple donations from one nation to another through to things such as loan guarantees and carbon credit trading schemes that are supposed to help pay for the technical solutions mentioned above.
Transparency; This covers the oversight of all the data required in the above four areas such as money spent and emissions reduced in order to make sure that it is accurate and not fraudulent.
Periodic Review; This highly technical area simply covers the way in which all the technical data is periodically reviewed in order assess what if any effect all the mitigation and adaptation actions are having in order to give us a clearer understanding of the world around us.
While it was wrestling with these complex topics the COP19/CMP9 was also stung by some inflammatory announcements by nations on matters actually relating to the UNFCCC;
On Wednesday November 12th (12/11/13) the Australian government announced that it was introducing a Parliamentary bill to scrap a ghg emissions tax and replace it with an incentive scheme that would reward business for voluntarily reducing their ghg emission. This obviously looked like Australia giving the COP19/CMP9 the finger. However the bill is not expected to pass the upper house of Parliament so seems intended to promote discussion within Australia about whether the vaguely Communist carbon tax is the best way to proceed when the ADP favours carbon credit trading schemes.
On Friday November 15th (15/11/13) the Japanese government announced that is scrapping it's target to reduce its ghg emissions by 25% of 1990 levels by 2020 and instead introducing a target of 3.8% which actually represents a 3% increase on 1990 levels. Again this looked very much like Japan giving the COP19/CMP9 the finger. However this is something we've all really known Japan was going to have to do since the 2011 earthquake and tsunami knocked out the Fukushima nuclear power plant forcing Japan to replace all 50 of its nuclear power plants with coal and natural gas fired power plants simply to keep the lights on. Therefore I think this was Japan making its shameful admission while apologetically trying to highlight the importance of having a diverse energy policy and drawing attention to the fact nuclear is such a dangerous form on energy that should not be considered a technological solution under the ADP. That last point also seemed to be an effort to discourage non-nuclear nations from getting to caught up with the Iran nuclear talks that both the US and the European Union (EU) were trying to disrupt the COP19/CMP9 with.
On Monday November 18th (18/11/13) the Canadian government admitted that it had only succeed in cutting its ghg emissions by 4.8% of 2005 levels meaning they are only one quarter of the way to the 17% cut on 2005 levels they'd pledged to achieve by 2020. This was simply Stephen Harper's government giving COP19/CMP9 the finger.
Despite all this and an unscheduled extra day of negotiations the COP19/CMP9 did succeed in making significant and real if highly technical progress in some significant areas;
Mitigation; In this critical area there was sadly very little progress. That is because with sadly too many people clinging to the Kyoto Protocol notion of Annex I developed nations and Annex II developing nations progress here would require developed nations to submit Nationally Appropriate Mitigation Commitments (NAMCs) which essentially means emissions cuts. Developing nations would have to submit Nationally Appropriate Mitigation Actions (NAMAs) which are essentially green development plans. Unfortunately the developed nations have no real desire to submit NAMCs and the developing nations are holding off submitting NAMAs in an attempt to leverage developed nations into action. This strikes me as an extremely foolish negotiating position by the developing nations because deadlocking negotiations actually gives the developed nations exactly what they want. Also it prevents the developing nations taking advantage of the benefits that NAMAs offer them. Take Nigeria as an example that I'm just familiar with. One of their main economic development problems is that they lack a national power grid which forces people to generate their own electricity using kerosene powered generators. This is both very expensive and very polluting. Therefore by classing building a national power grid as a mitigation action in its NAMA Nigeria could take advantage of the technical expertise, technology and funding mechanisms available through the ADP.
Adaptation; This is the area that saw the most, erm, exciting progress with the adoption of the "Warsaw Loss and Damage Mechanism." This is important because it creates a mechanism in which the way that loss and damage caused by climate hazards can be properly quantified. Primarily this gives us a much clearer idea of exactly what the problems created by climate change are and how effective our solutions to those problems are being. With the Warsaw mechanism being overseen by an executive committee of experts this also helps bring technologically advanced and less technologically advanced nations together offering the less advanced nations technical assistance. The increased oversight also helps build confidence amongst donor nations and private sector partners that their investments are producing results rather then helping line the pockets of corrupt local officials.
Finance, Technology and Capacity Building; This is another area where progress is extremely hard work. Essentially the problem is that developing nations are still insisting that donations from developed nations should be the primary source of all funding (Capacity building is often used as a codeword for "more funding"). Developed nation are simply not agreeing to this.
However the COP19/CMP9 was successful in making progress in consolidating the various funds into the single Adaptation Fund and placing it under the control of the Adaptation Committee to increase the fiduciary oversight of how its funds are dispersed. In return developed nations not only met the Adaptation Funds target of USD180million but exceeded it by USD4million. Further more at COP19/CMP9 great effort was made to involve the private sector in the Green Climate Fund (GCF) although this drew some ire from certain developing nations for being too capitalist.
Again I think this is the developing nations making a mistake by trading help that is available for help that is unlikely to ever arrive. Take for example the Sahara which is a case study always comes up in climate negotiations because something is causing that desert to expand. All there is in the Sahara is sand, sunlight and the occasional Islamic terrorist. The human race is now at the point where it can turn sunlight into electrical energy. Obviously country specific, inter alia work needs to be done but many have suggested that building solar farms in the Sahara could not only produce enough electricity for north Africa and the Sahel belt but also parts of southern Europe. The problem is that often the nations that surround the Sahara that lack basic power grids and certainly don't have the money to build solar farms. What the GCF is set up to do is put any one of these nations in contact with a private company that builds solar farms and provide loan guarantees that would allow the nation to pay back the cost of the construction through the revenue from the sale of the electricity over a period of 25-50 years in what is essentially a very complicated mortgage deal.
Economic Instruments; This is an area where absolutely no direct progress was made. Although there are issues tied up with the GCF the primary economic instrument that everybody is pursuing is the Clean Development Mechanism (CDM) which is funded through the capping of ghg emissions and the trading of permits to exceed those caps. The primary problem is that with that very few nations imposing caps on ghg emissions the market for permits and therefore the revenue they generate has collapsed. The other main problem is that socialist nations, primarily ones in South America along with full blown Communist nations in South-East Asia refuse to participate in the CDM because it's Capitalist and instead prefer to use negotiations about it as a way to rage against America.
As if to highlight how stupid these nations are being on Tuesday (26/11/13) the world's largest Communist nation, China opened a carbon trading market in Shanghai that will serve around 22 million people. Today China opened a carbon trading market in Beijing that will serve 20 million people. In December China will open a carbon trading market in Guangdong that will serve around 100million people making it the world's second largest carbon trading market behind the EU. With Mexico also opening a carbon trading market on Tuesday this growing global commitment to the principles of the CDM seems to have shamed certain European nations into actions with Switzerland buying up USD109million worth of carbon permits, the UK buying up USD80million worth and Norway buying up USD50million. These nations don't really have any need for those permits but the extra USD239million should help keep the CDM afloat until something more permanent can be worked out.
Although they are important in their own right the areas of Transparency and Periodic Review tend to be covered through negotiations about the other areas so I won't give a specific progress report on them. However the increased transparency achieved through the setting up of the Warsaw mechanism on Loss and Damage and the Adaptation Committee will certainly make progress in the quality of the data that is available for periodic review.
A sort of progress was also made on the Reducing Emissions through Deforestation and forest Degradation plus (REDD+) project. Throughout its history - long before humans turned up - the earth has regulated the amount of ghg's in it's atmosphere through forests absorbing the ghg's emitted by things like volcanoes and turning it into oxygen and ever bigger trees. Therefore as something of an oxygen addict I think it is absolutely essential that developing nations are given an incentive to leave their forests intact rather then cutting them down for economic development as we did in the developed world. Ideally this would be done through an emissions trading scheme that allows nations with large forests to charge nations without large forests for doing the job of cleaning up their ghg emissions. Unfortunately we're having a bit of trouble putting that together so instead we're left with REDD+ which has got to be the most dodgy of all the projects to tackle global warming.
The main problem is that while most people are happy for this to be funded through a market-based carbon trading mechanism (especially if it doesn't cost them any money) the predominately socialist South American nations where most of the worlds forest are located instead want it to be funded through donations from capitalist nations - sort of 'Red Fund' if you will. This failure to agree how anti-deforestation projects should be funded has meant that up to now REDD+ has operated on an extremely ad-hoc basis with specific developed nations doing specific bilateral deals with specific developing nations over specific bits of forest.
In certain areas this approach has had limited success. However in South America it has largely resulted in corrupt officials taking money from donor nations to protect areas of forest whilst at the same time taking even larger sums of money from loggers and ranchers to cut down those same areas of forest. As a result in 2012 the rate of South American deforestation rose by about 30% despite all these very large sums of money.
In central Africa where the second largest amount of forests are located REDD+ has been even more devastating. Here rather then tackling deforestation developed nations have largely been using relatively small REDD+ donations to trick relatively weak governments into complex negotiations that have nothing whatsoever to do with deforestation or climate change.
The obvious sexual innuendo of asking things like; "Whose got the most wood? What are you going to do with your wood? and Can you keep your wood up?" means that more often then not REDD+ discussions actually turn into discussions about HIV/AIDS. Incase the sexual innuendo wasn't enough REDD+ also shares it's name with Live Nation supported "(RED)" charity set up to deal with HIV/AIDS in Africa. Discussions about HIV/AIDS in Africa are complicated enough on their own because they touch on issues such as colonial powers using contraception to control indigenous populations, sexual politics, homosexuality and religion to name but a few.
Also when we say that central Africa is one of the most resource rich regions on earth the resource we are primarily talking about is wood and timber. The illegal cutting, smuggling and sale of timber is often used to fund the myriad of vicious little conflicts that are going on in the region. So although I have no evidence to support it I have strong suspicions that REDD+ money has been used to fund groups like the M23, Seleka and the Lords Resistance Army (LRA).
So although there is some good work being done I personally would have liked to have seen REDD+ scrapped entirely. However with the CDM on its knees the scrapping of REDD+ would have caused many developing nations to completely lose faith and pull out of the UNFCCC entirely. So instead what happened is that REDD+ became a formal project with all funds being disbursed by the World Bank's BioCarbon fund. Before a project can be considered for funds it must first be submitted for assessment by a panel of technical experts who will consider it against defined benchmarks. If a project is successful and receives funds it will be periodically reviewed by both the technical panel and the World Bank who despite their many faults do not have a reputation for tolerating corruption. To incentivise this cleaning up of REDD+ Norway (USD135million), the UK (USD120million) and the US (USD25million) eventually agreed to allow the USD280m they'd contributed to the Initiative for Sustainable Forest Landscapes (ISFL) to be used to fund REDD+.
So in summary although it produced nothing in the way of headline grabbing or campaign slogan satisfying big announcements and while there is clearly still a lot of work to do COP19/CMP9 was an extremely successful summit that far exceeded both mine and I think anyone's expectations of what could be achieved.
20:20 on 28/11/13 (UK date).
So much so that in 1995 the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change (UNFCCC) held it's first Conference of Parties (COP) Summit in Copenhagen, Denmark. Unfortunately many developing nations saw this as an opportunity to try and con large amounts of money out of developed nations while developed nations saw it as an opportunity to give developing nations small amounts of money in return for trapping the developing nations into complex negotiations they didn't really understand.
While the politicians had their fun though the levels of ghg gases continued to increase and the earth's temperature continued so rise bringing us to a point where UNFCCC negotiations couldn't really continue without the developed nations actually doing something. So in 2012 the developed nations insisted that the 18th COP (COP18/CMP8) should be held in Doha, Qatar - a nation whose entire existence is dependent on other nations continuing to release ghg gases by burning the fossil fuels that Qatar produces. The hope being that this Summit would go so badly that no-one would turn up for the 2013 Summit and the whole issue could be quietly forgotten about.
Fortunately though the process just about survived and the 2013 COP Summit (COP19/CMP9) took place between November 11th (11/11/13) and November 23rd (23/11/13) in Warsaw, Poland. Unfortunately though rather then making any major leaps forward in the battle against climate change the COP19/CMP9 was all about steadying the ship after the storm, checking for damage and trying to agree in which direction to sail next.
This task was not made any easier by the fact that many seemed intent for the maelstrom to continue. Lead amongst these was the US who - as I've explained at great length - sent the popstar Rihanna on a 9 month world tour with the intention of getting everybody so confused, frustrated and angry that they would have spent the summit arguing about whether it is ghg gases or Rihanna's mood swings that are the main driving force behind climate change. Then there was the UK who put me on trial over allegations of criminal damage on the second of the COP19/CMP9. After the case was dismissed through a lack of evidence the UK proceeded to attempt to further disrupt the summit by wildly speculating which criminal conspiracy was responsible for bringing me to trial. Then of course the Gulf and European Monarchies were continuing to try and bash Russia and Iran over Syria's continuing attempts to repel the Saudi and Qatari invasion of their county.
Under those circumstances you wouldn't imagine that anybody would be able to get anything done but still the COP19/CMP9 set about it's task of adding flesh to the bones of the Durban Platform for Enhanced Action (ADP) which was established at the COP17/CMP7 Summit in Durban, South Africa to provide a replacement for the Kyoto Protocol. Prior to the start of the COP19/CMP9 six main areas were identified as needing progress in order to allow the ADP to take shape;
Mitigation; This covers all the ways in which nations can reduce their ghg emissions through for example capping the emissions from power stations or designing new cities so they use less energy to begin with.
Adaptation; This covers all the ways that nations can adapt to the increased environmental hazards such as desertification, flooding and typhoons/hurricanes that increased global temperatures bring.
Finance, Technology and Capacity Building; This covers finding technological solutions to both mitigation and adaptation problems and finding a way to meet the cost of implementing those new technologies.
Economic Instruments; This covers all the economic mechanisms such as simple donations from one nation to another through to things such as loan guarantees and carbon credit trading schemes that are supposed to help pay for the technical solutions mentioned above.
Transparency; This covers the oversight of all the data required in the above four areas such as money spent and emissions reduced in order to make sure that it is accurate and not fraudulent.
Periodic Review; This highly technical area simply covers the way in which all the technical data is periodically reviewed in order assess what if any effect all the mitigation and adaptation actions are having in order to give us a clearer understanding of the world around us.
While it was wrestling with these complex topics the COP19/CMP9 was also stung by some inflammatory announcements by nations on matters actually relating to the UNFCCC;
On Wednesday November 12th (12/11/13) the Australian government announced that it was introducing a Parliamentary bill to scrap a ghg emissions tax and replace it with an incentive scheme that would reward business for voluntarily reducing their ghg emission. This obviously looked like Australia giving the COP19/CMP9 the finger. However the bill is not expected to pass the upper house of Parliament so seems intended to promote discussion within Australia about whether the vaguely Communist carbon tax is the best way to proceed when the ADP favours carbon credit trading schemes.
On Friday November 15th (15/11/13) the Japanese government announced that is scrapping it's target to reduce its ghg emissions by 25% of 1990 levels by 2020 and instead introducing a target of 3.8% which actually represents a 3% increase on 1990 levels. Again this looked very much like Japan giving the COP19/CMP9 the finger. However this is something we've all really known Japan was going to have to do since the 2011 earthquake and tsunami knocked out the Fukushima nuclear power plant forcing Japan to replace all 50 of its nuclear power plants with coal and natural gas fired power plants simply to keep the lights on. Therefore I think this was Japan making its shameful admission while apologetically trying to highlight the importance of having a diverse energy policy and drawing attention to the fact nuclear is such a dangerous form on energy that should not be considered a technological solution under the ADP. That last point also seemed to be an effort to discourage non-nuclear nations from getting to caught up with the Iran nuclear talks that both the US and the European Union (EU) were trying to disrupt the COP19/CMP9 with.
On Monday November 18th (18/11/13) the Canadian government admitted that it had only succeed in cutting its ghg emissions by 4.8% of 2005 levels meaning they are only one quarter of the way to the 17% cut on 2005 levels they'd pledged to achieve by 2020. This was simply Stephen Harper's government giving COP19/CMP9 the finger.
Despite all this and an unscheduled extra day of negotiations the COP19/CMP9 did succeed in making significant and real if highly technical progress in some significant areas;
Mitigation; In this critical area there was sadly very little progress. That is because with sadly too many people clinging to the Kyoto Protocol notion of Annex I developed nations and Annex II developing nations progress here would require developed nations to submit Nationally Appropriate Mitigation Commitments (NAMCs) which essentially means emissions cuts. Developing nations would have to submit Nationally Appropriate Mitigation Actions (NAMAs) which are essentially green development plans. Unfortunately the developed nations have no real desire to submit NAMCs and the developing nations are holding off submitting NAMAs in an attempt to leverage developed nations into action. This strikes me as an extremely foolish negotiating position by the developing nations because deadlocking negotiations actually gives the developed nations exactly what they want. Also it prevents the developing nations taking advantage of the benefits that NAMAs offer them. Take Nigeria as an example that I'm just familiar with. One of their main economic development problems is that they lack a national power grid which forces people to generate their own electricity using kerosene powered generators. This is both very expensive and very polluting. Therefore by classing building a national power grid as a mitigation action in its NAMA Nigeria could take advantage of the technical expertise, technology and funding mechanisms available through the ADP.
Adaptation; This is the area that saw the most, erm, exciting progress with the adoption of the "Warsaw Loss and Damage Mechanism." This is important because it creates a mechanism in which the way that loss and damage caused by climate hazards can be properly quantified. Primarily this gives us a much clearer idea of exactly what the problems created by climate change are and how effective our solutions to those problems are being. With the Warsaw mechanism being overseen by an executive committee of experts this also helps bring technologically advanced and less technologically advanced nations together offering the less advanced nations technical assistance. The increased oversight also helps build confidence amongst donor nations and private sector partners that their investments are producing results rather then helping line the pockets of corrupt local officials.
Finance, Technology and Capacity Building; This is another area where progress is extremely hard work. Essentially the problem is that developing nations are still insisting that donations from developed nations should be the primary source of all funding (Capacity building is often used as a codeword for "more funding"). Developed nation are simply not agreeing to this.
However the COP19/CMP9 was successful in making progress in consolidating the various funds into the single Adaptation Fund and placing it under the control of the Adaptation Committee to increase the fiduciary oversight of how its funds are dispersed. In return developed nations not only met the Adaptation Funds target of USD180million but exceeded it by USD4million. Further more at COP19/CMP9 great effort was made to involve the private sector in the Green Climate Fund (GCF) although this drew some ire from certain developing nations for being too capitalist.
Again I think this is the developing nations making a mistake by trading help that is available for help that is unlikely to ever arrive. Take for example the Sahara which is a case study always comes up in climate negotiations because something is causing that desert to expand. All there is in the Sahara is sand, sunlight and the occasional Islamic terrorist. The human race is now at the point where it can turn sunlight into electrical energy. Obviously country specific, inter alia work needs to be done but many have suggested that building solar farms in the Sahara could not only produce enough electricity for north Africa and the Sahel belt but also parts of southern Europe. The problem is that often the nations that surround the Sahara that lack basic power grids and certainly don't have the money to build solar farms. What the GCF is set up to do is put any one of these nations in contact with a private company that builds solar farms and provide loan guarantees that would allow the nation to pay back the cost of the construction through the revenue from the sale of the electricity over a period of 25-50 years in what is essentially a very complicated mortgage deal.
Economic Instruments; This is an area where absolutely no direct progress was made. Although there are issues tied up with the GCF the primary economic instrument that everybody is pursuing is the Clean Development Mechanism (CDM) which is funded through the capping of ghg emissions and the trading of permits to exceed those caps. The primary problem is that with that very few nations imposing caps on ghg emissions the market for permits and therefore the revenue they generate has collapsed. The other main problem is that socialist nations, primarily ones in South America along with full blown Communist nations in South-East Asia refuse to participate in the CDM because it's Capitalist and instead prefer to use negotiations about it as a way to rage against America.
As if to highlight how stupid these nations are being on Tuesday (26/11/13) the world's largest Communist nation, China opened a carbon trading market in Shanghai that will serve around 22 million people. Today China opened a carbon trading market in Beijing that will serve 20 million people. In December China will open a carbon trading market in Guangdong that will serve around 100million people making it the world's second largest carbon trading market behind the EU. With Mexico also opening a carbon trading market on Tuesday this growing global commitment to the principles of the CDM seems to have shamed certain European nations into actions with Switzerland buying up USD109million worth of carbon permits, the UK buying up USD80million worth and Norway buying up USD50million. These nations don't really have any need for those permits but the extra USD239million should help keep the CDM afloat until something more permanent can be worked out.
Although they are important in their own right the areas of Transparency and Periodic Review tend to be covered through negotiations about the other areas so I won't give a specific progress report on them. However the increased transparency achieved through the setting up of the Warsaw mechanism on Loss and Damage and the Adaptation Committee will certainly make progress in the quality of the data that is available for periodic review.
A sort of progress was also made on the Reducing Emissions through Deforestation and forest Degradation plus (REDD+) project. Throughout its history - long before humans turned up - the earth has regulated the amount of ghg's in it's atmosphere through forests absorbing the ghg's emitted by things like volcanoes and turning it into oxygen and ever bigger trees. Therefore as something of an oxygen addict I think it is absolutely essential that developing nations are given an incentive to leave their forests intact rather then cutting them down for economic development as we did in the developed world. Ideally this would be done through an emissions trading scheme that allows nations with large forests to charge nations without large forests for doing the job of cleaning up their ghg emissions. Unfortunately we're having a bit of trouble putting that together so instead we're left with REDD+ which has got to be the most dodgy of all the projects to tackle global warming.
The main problem is that while most people are happy for this to be funded through a market-based carbon trading mechanism (especially if it doesn't cost them any money) the predominately socialist South American nations where most of the worlds forest are located instead want it to be funded through donations from capitalist nations - sort of 'Red Fund' if you will. This failure to agree how anti-deforestation projects should be funded has meant that up to now REDD+ has operated on an extremely ad-hoc basis with specific developed nations doing specific bilateral deals with specific developing nations over specific bits of forest.
In certain areas this approach has had limited success. However in South America it has largely resulted in corrupt officials taking money from donor nations to protect areas of forest whilst at the same time taking even larger sums of money from loggers and ranchers to cut down those same areas of forest. As a result in 2012 the rate of South American deforestation rose by about 30% despite all these very large sums of money.
In central Africa where the second largest amount of forests are located REDD+ has been even more devastating. Here rather then tackling deforestation developed nations have largely been using relatively small REDD+ donations to trick relatively weak governments into complex negotiations that have nothing whatsoever to do with deforestation or climate change.
The obvious sexual innuendo of asking things like; "Whose got the most wood? What are you going to do with your wood? and Can you keep your wood up?" means that more often then not REDD+ discussions actually turn into discussions about HIV/AIDS. Incase the sexual innuendo wasn't enough REDD+ also shares it's name with Live Nation supported "(RED)" charity set up to deal with HIV/AIDS in Africa. Discussions about HIV/AIDS in Africa are complicated enough on their own because they touch on issues such as colonial powers using contraception to control indigenous populations, sexual politics, homosexuality and religion to name but a few.
Also when we say that central Africa is one of the most resource rich regions on earth the resource we are primarily talking about is wood and timber. The illegal cutting, smuggling and sale of timber is often used to fund the myriad of vicious little conflicts that are going on in the region. So although I have no evidence to support it I have strong suspicions that REDD+ money has been used to fund groups like the M23, Seleka and the Lords Resistance Army (LRA).
So although there is some good work being done I personally would have liked to have seen REDD+ scrapped entirely. However with the CDM on its knees the scrapping of REDD+ would have caused many developing nations to completely lose faith and pull out of the UNFCCC entirely. So instead what happened is that REDD+ became a formal project with all funds being disbursed by the World Bank's BioCarbon fund. Before a project can be considered for funds it must first be submitted for assessment by a panel of technical experts who will consider it against defined benchmarks. If a project is successful and receives funds it will be periodically reviewed by both the technical panel and the World Bank who despite their many faults do not have a reputation for tolerating corruption. To incentivise this cleaning up of REDD+ Norway (USD135million), the UK (USD120million) and the US (USD25million) eventually agreed to allow the USD280m they'd contributed to the Initiative for Sustainable Forest Landscapes (ISFL) to be used to fund REDD+.
So in summary although it produced nothing in the way of headline grabbing or campaign slogan satisfying big announcements and while there is clearly still a lot of work to do COP19/CMP9 was an extremely successful summit that far exceeded both mine and I think anyone's expectations of what could be achieved.
20:20 on 28/11/13 (UK date).
Wednesday, 27 November 2013
Operation Misery: Month 9, Week 4, Day 2.
Although I'm pretty sure there's actual, proper work I could be doing I feel I have to tell the Taylor Swift story.
A few years back I was sitting in a pub talking with friends when the topic of Taylor Swift came up because either one of her songs was playing on the jukebox or there was a picture of her in a newspaper or something. As the alternative was just sitting there in silence I sort of went into a long rant about how I couldn't find anything remotely attractive about the beautiful multi-millionairess and I wouldn't date her even if she begged.
Fast forward to October 2012 and just as Rihanna was performing at the para-Olympic closing ceremony Taylor Swift was in the UK doing a big marketing push for her "Red" album. Obviously due to the Olympics, the para-Olympics and what I believe is now known as the Rihanna effect this all sort of passed me by. However it did mark the beginning of a British obsession with Taylor Swift. Firstly she had BRIT school wannabe Ed Sheeran imposed on her for much of the "Red" Tour. Although he's reasonably talented Ed Sheeran really offended me by taking quite a dark story from my life and using it for his song "The A Team." He went on to release "Small Bump" about abortion/miscarriage which he no doubt stole from someonelse's life. Therefore I think Ed Sheeran owes us all an apology for being fake because no matter what song he's singing all I hear is him going; "Your so dumb. Now give me all your money." over and over again.
Even with the Red tour going on the UK has repeatedly found excuses to keep bring Taylor Swift back to the country attempting to book her for everything including Establishment events attended by members of the Royal Family. This culminated yesterday with Taylor Swift performing alongside Jon Bon Jovi and the heir to the British throne William Duke of Cambridge at Kensington Palace in London. I think this was intended to give the impression that the UK is demanding to know if Taylor Swift was being used as a distraction while the Rihanna operation was going on because the UK certainly didn't get what it wanted out of that operation. Personally I just think the US were just covering the spread because no-one really got what they wanted from the Rihanna operation.
On the topic of random things I've said about female celebrities whilst she was touring US movie theatres to promote I think the final Hannah Montana movie I joked that Miley Cyrus was only doing so to cover up the fact that she was homeless. What made me think of it now is that I'm pretty sure that Rihanna is technically homeless at the moment which when you consider the amount she's spent on property over the last 6-9 months is quite an achievement.
12:15 on 27/11/13 (UK date).
A few years back I was sitting in a pub talking with friends when the topic of Taylor Swift came up because either one of her songs was playing on the jukebox or there was a picture of her in a newspaper or something. As the alternative was just sitting there in silence I sort of went into a long rant about how I couldn't find anything remotely attractive about the beautiful multi-millionairess and I wouldn't date her even if she begged.
Fast forward to October 2012 and just as Rihanna was performing at the para-Olympic closing ceremony Taylor Swift was in the UK doing a big marketing push for her "Red" album. Obviously due to the Olympics, the para-Olympics and what I believe is now known as the Rihanna effect this all sort of passed me by. However it did mark the beginning of a British obsession with Taylor Swift. Firstly she had BRIT school wannabe Ed Sheeran imposed on her for much of the "Red" Tour. Although he's reasonably talented Ed Sheeran really offended me by taking quite a dark story from my life and using it for his song "The A Team." He went on to release "Small Bump" about abortion/miscarriage which he no doubt stole from someonelse's life. Therefore I think Ed Sheeran owes us all an apology for being fake because no matter what song he's singing all I hear is him going; "Your so dumb. Now give me all your money." over and over again.
Even with the Red tour going on the UK has repeatedly found excuses to keep bring Taylor Swift back to the country attempting to book her for everything including Establishment events attended by members of the Royal Family. This culminated yesterday with Taylor Swift performing alongside Jon Bon Jovi and the heir to the British throne William Duke of Cambridge at Kensington Palace in London. I think this was intended to give the impression that the UK is demanding to know if Taylor Swift was being used as a distraction while the Rihanna operation was going on because the UK certainly didn't get what it wanted out of that operation. Personally I just think the US were just covering the spread because no-one really got what they wanted from the Rihanna operation.
On the topic of random things I've said about female celebrities whilst she was touring US movie theatres to promote I think the final Hannah Montana movie I joked that Miley Cyrus was only doing so to cover up the fact that she was homeless. What made me think of it now is that I'm pretty sure that Rihanna is technically homeless at the moment which when you consider the amount she's spent on property over the last 6-9 months is quite an achievement.
12:15 on 27/11/13 (UK date).
Tuesday, 26 November 2013
Operation Misery: Month 9, Week 4, Day 1.
You would think that after the humiliation of the American Music Awards (AMAs) Rihanna and her people would have wanted to spend a few days quietly relaxing and reflecting on what they've done with their lives over the last 12 months. However if Rihanna and her people were to sit down and list what they set out to achieve with the Diamonds World Tour versus what they've actually achieved along with the roughly 1/3rd of their fortune they've spent on dodgy property deals on Barbados it is likely they would just be hit with an overwhelming desire to kill themselves.
So instead on Monday night (local) Rihanna attended and was seen to attend Drake's concert at the Staples Centre in Los Angeles, California. This was obviously intended to fuel speculation that Rihanna and Drake are now dating and promote discussion about whether this is a suitable strategy to contain the threat posed to society in general by Chris Brown.
Things got much worse on Tuesday though when it was announced that Rihanna would be the public face of the US fund for the United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF) campaign to raise money for victims of Typhoon Haiyan. You may remember that Rihanna recently visited the Philippines on her Diamonds World Tour.
This concert was made extremely controversial because in preparation someone encouraged the Moro Nation Liberation Front (MNLF) to launch a full scale military assault on the city of Zamboanga on Mindanao island. This took the Filipino army about a month to repel and resulted in the deaths of 150+ people. To add insult to injury the US used this conflict as an excuse so Rihanna only really spent the duration of her concert in the city of Manila on Luzon island. As the entire South-East Asian region were supposed to be speculating about Rihanna's mood and general mental condition during this time this was a grievous insult to the Filipino government especially Rihanna apparently found time to make not one but two visits to Thailand where the Monarch is currently trying to overthrow the elected government.
This performance in the Philippines was so shockingly bad that some have suggested that it angered the earth's quantum field to the extent that it caused Typhoon Haiyan to tear through the parts of the Philippines between Luzon and Mondano islands in order to suggest that despite her ego Rihanna does not control the weather through her moods. It also provided the US with an opportunity to correct it's error of judgement by providing lots of emergency aid to the Filipino people.
As such you would think that Rihanna would be the absolute last person that the US fund for UNICEF would want fronting their Haiyan appeal. After all the general discomfort that Rihanna causes many in the US to feel is only likely to discourage donations. A much better idea would have been to create an umbrella campaign with various celebrities each tapping up their own fanbase for donations.
It is clear though that rather then helping the US' intention here is to disrupt the Haiyan relief effort as much as possible. As a result the US State Department has recruited the rapper "Ludacris" for its rival fundraising campaign. The intention is to give the entirely false impression that the State Department had no involvement in the ludicrous decision to involve Rihanna in the US fund for UNICEF campaign. The idea being that I would then start a campaign calling for the State Department to stop funding the US fund for UNICEF until the people who involved Rihanna are sacked from the organisation. The intention being to promote discussion about US funding for other UN bodies such as the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change (UNFCCC). This is a shame because with European and Gulf nations hijacking UNICEF to politicise the victims of the conflict in Syria I would have thought the US would want the biggest dog it's got in the UNICEF fight.
While I was 'discussing' all this with the State Department on Twitter they brought up a World Health Organisation (WHO) report on the impacts of violence on women globally. This was a reference to a shocking recent report in which the WHO claimed people in Greece were choosing to infect themselves with HIV in order to claim E700 per month in welfare benefits. In a near unprecedented move the WHO today retracted that claim because it turns out that while many people had heard the rumour there was no evidence that it was in any way true. Therefore I should explain to the US that this was the WHO openly mocking your claim that Rihanna must be kept away from me in case I infect her with the full blown AIDS, diabetes, long QT syndrome, hepatitis, liver failure, kidney disease etc that I'm absolutely riddled with.
So yes after complaints from multiple nations Boeing has finally accepted that it's 787 Dreamliner does indeed lose significant power at higher altitudes. After all it turns out the people who attend inter-governmental conference aren't the same teenage boys and girls who buy Rihanna and Chris Brown records.
21:05 on 26/11/13 (UK date).
So instead on Monday night (local) Rihanna attended and was seen to attend Drake's concert at the Staples Centre in Los Angeles, California. This was obviously intended to fuel speculation that Rihanna and Drake are now dating and promote discussion about whether this is a suitable strategy to contain the threat posed to society in general by Chris Brown.
Things got much worse on Tuesday though when it was announced that Rihanna would be the public face of the US fund for the United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF) campaign to raise money for victims of Typhoon Haiyan. You may remember that Rihanna recently visited the Philippines on her Diamonds World Tour.
This concert was made extremely controversial because in preparation someone encouraged the Moro Nation Liberation Front (MNLF) to launch a full scale military assault on the city of Zamboanga on Mindanao island. This took the Filipino army about a month to repel and resulted in the deaths of 150+ people. To add insult to injury the US used this conflict as an excuse so Rihanna only really spent the duration of her concert in the city of Manila on Luzon island. As the entire South-East Asian region were supposed to be speculating about Rihanna's mood and general mental condition during this time this was a grievous insult to the Filipino government especially Rihanna apparently found time to make not one but two visits to Thailand where the Monarch is currently trying to overthrow the elected government.
This performance in the Philippines was so shockingly bad that some have suggested that it angered the earth's quantum field to the extent that it caused Typhoon Haiyan to tear through the parts of the Philippines between Luzon and Mondano islands in order to suggest that despite her ego Rihanna does not control the weather through her moods. It also provided the US with an opportunity to correct it's error of judgement by providing lots of emergency aid to the Filipino people.
As such you would think that Rihanna would be the absolute last person that the US fund for UNICEF would want fronting their Haiyan appeal. After all the general discomfort that Rihanna causes many in the US to feel is only likely to discourage donations. A much better idea would have been to create an umbrella campaign with various celebrities each tapping up their own fanbase for donations.
It is clear though that rather then helping the US' intention here is to disrupt the Haiyan relief effort as much as possible. As a result the US State Department has recruited the rapper "Ludacris" for its rival fundraising campaign. The intention is to give the entirely false impression that the State Department had no involvement in the ludicrous decision to involve Rihanna in the US fund for UNICEF campaign. The idea being that I would then start a campaign calling for the State Department to stop funding the US fund for UNICEF until the people who involved Rihanna are sacked from the organisation. The intention being to promote discussion about US funding for other UN bodies such as the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change (UNFCCC). This is a shame because with European and Gulf nations hijacking UNICEF to politicise the victims of the conflict in Syria I would have thought the US would want the biggest dog it's got in the UNICEF fight.
While I was 'discussing' all this with the State Department on Twitter they brought up a World Health Organisation (WHO) report on the impacts of violence on women globally. This was a reference to a shocking recent report in which the WHO claimed people in Greece were choosing to infect themselves with HIV in order to claim E700 per month in welfare benefits. In a near unprecedented move the WHO today retracted that claim because it turns out that while many people had heard the rumour there was no evidence that it was in any way true. Therefore I should explain to the US that this was the WHO openly mocking your claim that Rihanna must be kept away from me in case I infect her with the full blown AIDS, diabetes, long QT syndrome, hepatitis, liver failure, kidney disease etc that I'm absolutely riddled with.
So yes after complaints from multiple nations Boeing has finally accepted that it's 787 Dreamliner does indeed lose significant power at higher altitudes. After all it turns out the people who attend inter-governmental conference aren't the same teenage boys and girls who buy Rihanna and Chris Brown records.
21:05 on 26/11/13 (UK date).
Monday, 25 November 2013
Operation Misery: Month 9, Week 3, Day 7 - The AMA's
Yesterday Rihanna attended the American Music Awards (AMA's) at the Staples Centre in Los Angeles, California. This was supposed to be a celebration of American music over the past 12 months so obviously it wasn't entirely about Rihanna. However;
The show was opened by Katy Perry, Rihanna's sometimes friend and opponent of her relationship with Chris Brown. It was closed by Miley Cyrus who has been frequently compared to Rihanna over the past 12 months or so as both a rival and possible replacement. Somewhere in the middle Lady Gaga performed "Do What You Want (With my Body)" alongside R Kelly who was playing the role of a black President. This was a none too subtle reference to how US President Barack Obama has endorsed the horrors that have been inflicted on Rihanna over the past year in order to further his own political agenda. The show was hosted throughout by Cuban/American rapper Pitbull and featured Puerto Rican Jennifer Lopez performing a tribute to Celia Cruz a Cuban singer who was dubbed "The Queen of Salsa." This was all to appeal to the Hispanic audience that is so central to the immigration reforms Obama is trying to use Rihanna to force through.
Despite my best advice Rihanna not only attended the award ceremony but sat in the audience throughout. I suppose we should be thankful for the small mercy that Rihanna was seated away from anyone controversial such as Miley Cyrus although she was just across the aisle from Katy Perry. I suspect that physical gap was supposed to represent the rift between the pair caused by Chris Brown. For the early part of the ceremony Rihanna wore a black custom Jean Paul Gaultier bra top and mini-skirt with lace trim that gave the impression of a much longer skirt. Throughout Rihanna's hair was worn short, slicked back and pinned down in a style known as a "Dominican Doobie Wrap." This was obviously better then the Whitney Houston/Winnie Mandela style Rihanna had been sporting over the last week but was a none to subtle reference to the immigration issue.
Despite being nominated for four awards Rihanna only succeeded in winning "Favourite R&B/Soul Female Artist." This was a surprise because I would have thought in order to get Rihanna to attend the AMA's the organisers would have had to at least guarantee that she would win everything she was nominated for. The reason why most people would have expected Rihanna to miss the AMA's is because the organisers were openly mocking her by presenting her with the special, and unique "Icon" award. This type of award for which there is only ever one nominee is normally reserved for people at the end of their lives and is sometimes dubbed the "Quick Give Them Something Before They Die" or "Epitaph" Award. Therefore by presenting Rihanna with the Icon Award the AMA organisers were trying to send the signal that Rihanna's time is up and her career is now over.
Prior to accepting the Icon Award Rihanna changed into a full length inky grey silk gown and performed "Diamonds" with a full orchestral accompaniment. "Diamonds" is of course the title track of Diamonds World Tour that was intended to destroy Rihanna's career and still might with Rihanna's CIA handlers/Live Nation (the management) continuing to push for it to be extended with a South American leg. The act of Rihanna performing "Diamonds" at the AMA's was itself intended to be another nail in the coffin of Rihanna's career by reminding us of the really nasty element of the tour strategy that involved turning the mineral rich nations of central Africa into an even worse hell hole. Fortunately due to the raising of several quite large armies that element of the plan failed to materialise.
Rihanna was presented with the Icon Award by her mother Monica Braithwaite. This was obviously intended to raise all the issues about Rihanna's childhood such as her violent father and the impact on Rihanna's own relationships especially with Chris Brown. Those who have a greater depth of knowledge of the subject will also have picked up on the reference to the ongoing Berdon LLP case and the associated Inland Revenue Service (IRS) investigation into Rihanna. After all while I don't know the truth both Rihanna and her mother's apparent evasiveness in giving depositions of evidence has been used to imply that the pair are guilty of tax evasion and therefore the IRS audit is justified rather then merely a mechanism to allow the management to exert control over Rihanna through fear.
In her acceptance speech Rihanna talked about growing up in Barbados and her journey to America and fame and fortune. This obviously has quite a strong relevance to the immigration debate. However when you consider it alongside the IRS issue it seems to also touch on the issue of slavery and people trafficking. By talking about how at 15 years old she had to battle her mother in order to be allowed to audition for strange men in their hotel room wearing her school uniform Rihanna appeared to be arguing in favour of child prostitution. However on what was clearly a difficult evening I think we might let that one slide.
In case anyone failed to pick up on the fact the AMA's were marking the end of Rihanna's career - and hey Rihanna turned up - later in the show two of the original members of the band TLC performed "Waterfalls" with Lil' Mama assisting. The third original member of TLC - Lisa 'left eye' Lopez - was killed in a car crash in 2002 meaning that the band is now forever associated with death. Also before the start of the Diamonds World Tour I made reference to the song "Waterfalls" in order to highlight the espionage 'waterfall' technique that the management were intending to use to destroy Rihanna's career by turning her fans against her.
As for Miley Cyrus she closed the show by singing "Wrecking Ball" wearing basically panties and a sports bra in front of a computer animation of a giant pussy cat that was singing along with her. Even by my standards this was a really tasteless reference to the fact that since Miley Cyrus has started appear wearing not many clothes literally millions of people have started commenting on her 'Camel Toe.' A 'camel toe' is the outline of the outer lips of the vagina or 'pussy' as they press up against tight fabric. I believe there is now even a Twitter hashtag #MileysCamelToe.
So in closing the only good thing I can say about the AMA's is that now Chris Brown has been given Court mandated rehab Rihanna now has a little under three months to stop, breathe and consolidate her position in LA. Alternatively she could press ahead with the move to the east coast.. I of course though think that Rihanna should come to London, UK to see me for a bit. That's because part of the reason I'm so p*ssed off by all this is that it has always been so easy to avoid.
16:45 on 25/11/13 (UK date).
Edited at around 19:30 on 25/11/13 to add;
Writing the above was an experience akin to having your teeth pulled out. So for the sake of brevity I left out Katy Perry's performance because it struck me as obvious. However I've now decided that might have been remiss of me.
All the Japanese iconography was clearly a reference to Japan. However I think the main theme of Katy Perry's performance was that of the Geisha. Although there is slightly more to it then that Geisha's are essentially prostitutes so this brings up the prostitution element of the slavery/human trafficking debate which has been a central element of Rihanna's life recently especially in her relationship with Chris Brown. Also the issue of "comfort women" who were essentially Chinese women who were kidnapped to have sex with Japanese soldiers during the second world war is still a major source of tension between China and Japan. Therefore it seemed an appropriate way to start a ceremony that was intended to exert pressure on people in the eastern hemisphere who were getting up and starting their working week while all this was going on.
As for my performance apart from screwing up my sleep patterns the management were hoping that I'd be watching and giving a live Olympic ceremony style Twitter commentary in order to make sure all the issues were raised and discussed by the audience. In protest I decided to just muck about in the most confusing and offensive way I could manage in. So for example when I announced I was following Katy Perry on Twitter I was merely pointing that I was actually listening to Orpheous' "The Can-Can" at the time. When I asked Miley Cyrus if she'd had any large incursions recently I was trying to hint that I was listening to Massive Attack in the smuttiest way possible.
The show was opened by Katy Perry, Rihanna's sometimes friend and opponent of her relationship with Chris Brown. It was closed by Miley Cyrus who has been frequently compared to Rihanna over the past 12 months or so as both a rival and possible replacement. Somewhere in the middle Lady Gaga performed "Do What You Want (With my Body)" alongside R Kelly who was playing the role of a black President. This was a none too subtle reference to how US President Barack Obama has endorsed the horrors that have been inflicted on Rihanna over the past year in order to further his own political agenda. The show was hosted throughout by Cuban/American rapper Pitbull and featured Puerto Rican Jennifer Lopez performing a tribute to Celia Cruz a Cuban singer who was dubbed "The Queen of Salsa." This was all to appeal to the Hispanic audience that is so central to the immigration reforms Obama is trying to use Rihanna to force through.
Despite my best advice Rihanna not only attended the award ceremony but sat in the audience throughout. I suppose we should be thankful for the small mercy that Rihanna was seated away from anyone controversial such as Miley Cyrus although she was just across the aisle from Katy Perry. I suspect that physical gap was supposed to represent the rift between the pair caused by Chris Brown. For the early part of the ceremony Rihanna wore a black custom Jean Paul Gaultier bra top and mini-skirt with lace trim that gave the impression of a much longer skirt. Throughout Rihanna's hair was worn short, slicked back and pinned down in a style known as a "Dominican Doobie Wrap." This was obviously better then the Whitney Houston/Winnie Mandela style Rihanna had been sporting over the last week but was a none to subtle reference to the immigration issue.
Despite being nominated for four awards Rihanna only succeeded in winning "Favourite R&B/Soul Female Artist." This was a surprise because I would have thought in order to get Rihanna to attend the AMA's the organisers would have had to at least guarantee that she would win everything she was nominated for. The reason why most people would have expected Rihanna to miss the AMA's is because the organisers were openly mocking her by presenting her with the special, and unique "Icon" award. This type of award for which there is only ever one nominee is normally reserved for people at the end of their lives and is sometimes dubbed the "Quick Give Them Something Before They Die" or "Epitaph" Award. Therefore by presenting Rihanna with the Icon Award the AMA organisers were trying to send the signal that Rihanna's time is up and her career is now over.
Prior to accepting the Icon Award Rihanna changed into a full length inky grey silk gown and performed "Diamonds" with a full orchestral accompaniment. "Diamonds" is of course the title track of Diamonds World Tour that was intended to destroy Rihanna's career and still might with Rihanna's CIA handlers/Live Nation (the management) continuing to push for it to be extended with a South American leg. The act of Rihanna performing "Diamonds" at the AMA's was itself intended to be another nail in the coffin of Rihanna's career by reminding us of the really nasty element of the tour strategy that involved turning the mineral rich nations of central Africa into an even worse hell hole. Fortunately due to the raising of several quite large armies that element of the plan failed to materialise.
Rihanna was presented with the Icon Award by her mother Monica Braithwaite. This was obviously intended to raise all the issues about Rihanna's childhood such as her violent father and the impact on Rihanna's own relationships especially with Chris Brown. Those who have a greater depth of knowledge of the subject will also have picked up on the reference to the ongoing Berdon LLP case and the associated Inland Revenue Service (IRS) investigation into Rihanna. After all while I don't know the truth both Rihanna and her mother's apparent evasiveness in giving depositions of evidence has been used to imply that the pair are guilty of tax evasion and therefore the IRS audit is justified rather then merely a mechanism to allow the management to exert control over Rihanna through fear.
In her acceptance speech Rihanna talked about growing up in Barbados and her journey to America and fame and fortune. This obviously has quite a strong relevance to the immigration debate. However when you consider it alongside the IRS issue it seems to also touch on the issue of slavery and people trafficking. By talking about how at 15 years old she had to battle her mother in order to be allowed to audition for strange men in their hotel room wearing her school uniform Rihanna appeared to be arguing in favour of child prostitution. However on what was clearly a difficult evening I think we might let that one slide.
In case anyone failed to pick up on the fact the AMA's were marking the end of Rihanna's career - and hey Rihanna turned up - later in the show two of the original members of the band TLC performed "Waterfalls" with Lil' Mama assisting. The third original member of TLC - Lisa 'left eye' Lopez - was killed in a car crash in 2002 meaning that the band is now forever associated with death. Also before the start of the Diamonds World Tour I made reference to the song "Waterfalls" in order to highlight the espionage 'waterfall' technique that the management were intending to use to destroy Rihanna's career by turning her fans against her.
As for Miley Cyrus she closed the show by singing "Wrecking Ball" wearing basically panties and a sports bra in front of a computer animation of a giant pussy cat that was singing along with her. Even by my standards this was a really tasteless reference to the fact that since Miley Cyrus has started appear wearing not many clothes literally millions of people have started commenting on her 'Camel Toe.' A 'camel toe' is the outline of the outer lips of the vagina or 'pussy' as they press up against tight fabric. I believe there is now even a Twitter hashtag #MileysCamelToe.
So in closing the only good thing I can say about the AMA's is that now Chris Brown has been given Court mandated rehab Rihanna now has a little under three months to stop, breathe and consolidate her position in LA. Alternatively she could press ahead with the move to the east coast.. I of course though think that Rihanna should come to London, UK to see me for a bit. That's because part of the reason I'm so p*ssed off by all this is that it has always been so easy to avoid.
16:45 on 25/11/13 (UK date).
Edited at around 19:30 on 25/11/13 to add;
Writing the above was an experience akin to having your teeth pulled out. So for the sake of brevity I left out Katy Perry's performance because it struck me as obvious. However I've now decided that might have been remiss of me.
All the Japanese iconography was clearly a reference to Japan. However I think the main theme of Katy Perry's performance was that of the Geisha. Although there is slightly more to it then that Geisha's are essentially prostitutes so this brings up the prostitution element of the slavery/human trafficking debate which has been a central element of Rihanna's life recently especially in her relationship with Chris Brown. Also the issue of "comfort women" who were essentially Chinese women who were kidnapped to have sex with Japanese soldiers during the second world war is still a major source of tension between China and Japan. Therefore it seemed an appropriate way to start a ceremony that was intended to exert pressure on people in the eastern hemisphere who were getting up and starting their working week while all this was going on.
As for my performance apart from screwing up my sleep patterns the management were hoping that I'd be watching and giving a live Olympic ceremony style Twitter commentary in order to make sure all the issues were raised and discussed by the audience. In protest I decided to just muck about in the most confusing and offensive way I could manage in. So for example when I announced I was following Katy Perry on Twitter I was merely pointing that I was actually listening to Orpheous' "The Can-Can" at the time. When I asked Miley Cyrus if she'd had any large incursions recently I was trying to hint that I was listening to Massive Attack in the smuttiest way possible.
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