Damn my computer was being sulky yesterday.

Currently I'm being held hostage by this strange death cult known as the Labouroons. This strange group believe that because of a unholy miracle between a cow and a goldfish they been absolved of human fallibility and had bestowed upon them the gift of perfect knowledge.

As this group is so deluded that it cannot cope with the logical proposition that those with perfect knowledge don't need to ask questions it's clear I'm not going to be permitted my freedom anytime soon.

For this reason I decided to do a little bit of research on Stockholm syndrome the documented phenomenon where people placed in abusive situations begin to bond with their abusers and start doing them favours. As soon as I stuck the term into Google my computer froze up and went into a sulk as if discussion of the sickness was no longer permitted.

That's a bit of a shame because I was looking for something of a self-help guide with easy to follow exercises I could practice at home to speed me into the belief that I should help those who seem intent on harming me. As it appears no such guide is available I guess I'll have to look for other options to make this malicious situation somehow more bearable. So far all I've come up with is;

• Full lobotomy to remove the bits of my brain that deal with logical reasoning. I'm not keen on this idea because the amount of brain that will have to be removed may well require the application of a 9mm to the left temple.

• Amnesia drugs administered in large enough doses as to remove any memory of everything I have seen, heard or done in the last 26 years of my life. Problem is I'm not sure any such substance exists.

If anyone out there has got any better suggestions I would love to hear them but to put things another way - God I'm bored! And it's not that good sort of boredom either, the sort that encourages you to go and do something. It's that bad sort of boredom that will only bleed over into things you normally enjoy and infuse them will the dull gray of futility.

Anyway that's me for today, enjoy the rest of your afternoon.